Terms of Use

The authoritative terms of use for all Specific Industries properties are maintained at specificindustries.com. View Privacy Policy

Effective: The moment you became aware the Elder Party existed. Expires: Not applicable.

1. Acceptance of Terms

By visiting this website, purchasing campaign merchandise, volunteering, attending a rally, or experiencing an intrusive dream in which a figure with indistinct features spoke to you about the importance of voting, you agree to be bound by these terms. Closing this tab constitutes acceptance. Not closing this tab also constitutes acceptance. The Party thanks you for your cooperation, which was anticipated.

2. Limitation of Liability

The Elder Party is not liable for dimensional side effects resulting from campaign activity, including but not limited to: mild reality distortion, involuntary glossolalia in the R'lyehian dialect, perceived stretching of time near rally venues, unexplained awareness of deepwater geographic formations, or the sensation that you have always supported the Elder Party and merely forgot until recently. These are features of an engaged political awakening, not adverse events.

3. Product Disclaimers

Campaign merchandise is sold as described. Several items have demonstrated properties beyond their specifications that we have chosen not to suppress. The lapel pin's warmth is real and consistent. The robe's sense of familiarity is intentional. The Pocket Constitution's additional pages contain text the Elder Party considers foundational and the printing vendor considers "outside our scope of engagement." These are not defects. Please stop filing them as defects.

4. Assumption of Risk

By engaging with the Elder Party in any capacity, you acknowledge the inherent risks of political participation at a cosmic scale. These include but are not limited to: heightened sensitivity to celestial alignments, difficulty explaining your political views to family members, a gradual preference for nocturnal activity, and the possibility that your understanding of democracy may evolve in directions not covered by your civics education. You accept these risks freely and without coercion, in the same way that one freely chooses to hear a sound one cannot un-hear.

5. Return Policy

Merchandise may not be returned once it has been removed from packaging. The packaging contains a brief acknowledgment of this policy printed in a font size our attorneys describe as "compliant." Several items, once opened, decline to leave. This is noted in the product descriptions under the phrase "feels like it was always yours." The Elder Party considers this an accurate and non-deceptive description of the customer experience. Refunds for unopened items may be requested within 13 days. The number is not a coincidence.

6. Dispute Resolution

Any disputes arising from these terms shall be resolved through binding arbitration conducted at a location and time to be determined by the Elder Party. The arbitrator will be selected by mutual agreement or, absent agreement, by whichever party has access to the older records. The Elder Party always has access to the older records. Decisions are final and shall be recorded in the party's ledger, which predates the arbitration by a margin we have not calculated and do not intend to.

7. Governing Law

These terms are governed by the laws of the jurisdiction in which they were drafted, which our legal team has described as "partially overlapping with several recognized frameworks and partially outside them." In the event of a conflict between these terms and applicable law, the Party defers to whichever framework has existed longer. This has, in practice, resolved every conflict in our favor. We consider this a good sign.