Privacy Policy
We handle your data with thoroughness, discretion, and knowledge that predates your existence.
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Last updated: We are uncertain. Time is not behaving normally near the servers.
1. Data Collection
By visiting this website, you consent to the collection of your browsing history, voting preferences, possession status, and the approximate coordinates of your current dimensional plane. We also collect ambient audio from your device during periods when you are thinking about the Elder Party, which is more often than you realize. This data is stored securely in a location we have agreed not to specify in writing.
2. How We Use Your Data
Your data is used to personalize your Elder Party experience, route your contact inquiries to the correct department, and ensure that rally invitations arrive before you decide to attend. Browsing patterns are analyzed to determine your proximity to awakening. If you have received campaign literature you did not request, your proximity score is high. This is a compliment.
3. Data Sharing
We share your data with affiliated campaign entities, dimensional liaison offices, and the senior leadership of the Elder Party, whose methods of data review are not fully understood by our IT team but appear to be effective. We do not sell your data to third parties. The Elder Party has no interest in commerce with entities that have not yet heard the call.
4. Cookies
This website uses cookies to track your browsing behavior across sessions and, in some documented cases, across timelines. Standard cookies may be cleared through your browser settings. The deeper tracking mechanisms do not use cookies in the conventional sense and are not removable through standard means. We appreciate your understanding.
5. Your Rights
You have the right to request a copy of the data we hold about you. You have the right to request corrections. You have the right to request deletion, which we will review carefully before declining for reasons that will be explained in a letter that several recipients have described as "distressing in ways I cannot articulate." You also have the right to opt out of non-essential communications, though the essential ones will continue regardless. The essential ones are very important.
6. Security
Your data is protected by layered security protocols that our technical team describes as "unconventional but effective." The servers are maintained in a facility our IT director has visited twice and declined to visit a third time. Access is restricted to authorized personnel and, on three documented occasions, entities for whom we have not yet established authorization protocols. We are monitoring the situation.
7. Changes to This Policy
We reserve the right to amend this policy at any time, with or without notice, from any point in the timeline we find convenient. Material changes will be communicated to subscribers via email. Immaterial changes have already been communicated in ways you may not have consciously registered. If you have recently changed a belief you held strongly without knowing why, this may be relevant.