Coalition Partner
The Esoteric Taxpayers Alliance
Your tax dollars should fund gateways, not potholes.
About the Coalition
The Esoteric Taxpayers Alliance represents fiscal conservatives who believe that government spending should prioritize dimensional gateway infrastructure over conventional public works. 'Roads deteriorate. Bridges rust. A properly maintained dimensional gateway is eternal,' argues the Alliance. 'We're not asking for more spending. We're asking for smarter spending — in directions most taxpayers can't perceive.'
The Alliance's proposed federal budget reallocates 40% of the Department of Transportation's funding to the proposed Department of Dimensional Transit. Members point out that a single gateway can replace thousands of miles of highway, reduce commute times to zero (or negative values), and connect communities across distances that Euclidean geometry considers impossible. The only downside, they concede, is that 'some travelers arrive slightly different than when they left.'
“I pay my taxes. I just want them spent on infrastructure that transcends physical law. Is that too much to ask?”
— Harold Prescott, CPA, ETA Chairman & Certified Public Accountant
Official Endorsement
The Elder Party is the first major party that treats dimensional infrastructure as the fiscal priority it is. C̢ț̵̞̔̐ḧ̷̡̭̬̏̏̌̂u̪lhu̬̦̔̎̃̚ R̡̘̉̏'lye̎̔̊h̥́̃̔̍'̨̑̑́ş̸̟̤̃̌̔̕ Ē̥̃̆ņ̷̣̤̦er̦̓̂g̶̨̧̩̀̎̚y̝̋̅̓̆ â̴̛̙̫̎n̴̪d̅́̋̇ E̵̢̦̖̬̅̄̈̕c̖̝on̴̘̣̘̋̂̌̃̑o̎́̇mỵ̨̡̖ ṕ̴̧̑̇̈̍l̜̞̤̘̔̓ą̵̛̩̝̏̌̅̐tf̶̡̊ŏ̸̬̟̌ŗ̴̣̦ṃ̴̭̏s̵̓̆ ř̠̖̝̓̔ĕ̥̝̌̓̚f̀̉l̶ê̶̒́̅c̡̙̬̒̆̊̍̅t ṱ̴̬̋̇̊̃h̶̫̪̟ē̶̡ kin̡̪̝̓̑̈̔d ọ̬̭̔̃f̄ f̥̐̏̕̕oŕ̷̜w̸̨̄̌̕à̛̅̓r̢̢̩̋̓̎̅d̦̬̟̤̆̃̔-̥̐̏̊̇loǫ̐̎k̸̭̔̑̕į̫̟̄́n̐̊g̶̨̜̞̈́̄̚ f̧̧̞̜̒̔í̸s̸̤̖̥ć̶̙̭̘́̋̐a̠̖̓̒̉̔l̠ p̶oli̴̛̝̝ĉ̵̝̫̊̓ȳ̴̔̅ this̴̗̬̗ č̴̛̗̘̃̀̄̂oư̵̗̘n̶̒̅̀̆̃t̴̓ry dèsp̸̎̅̐̔era̶̋̔̅̇̈t̵̄̇̇̄ely̴̏̋ nę̤ed̷̤̪̘̖s̷.̵̅̇
Why We Stand With The Elder Party
The following platform positions directly align with our coalition's mission and values.
